IJL – Chapter 2: match.com and The Doctor

Job hunting is grueling. Finding romance is no picnic either. However, they do have similarities – more than you can imagine.

When looking for a job, you must write your resume. In the e-dating world, it’s called your profile. You send your resume out over the internet, many times to response at all. Your profile is posted for hundreds to see, again most times to no response at all.

When job hunting you have the phone interview, the in person interview, hopefully the final interview and then the job offer. In internet dating, you have the phone interview, the in person interview, and hopefully the request for a date. Sigh. If only it were that simple. Today’s IJL is from my internet experiences.

His profile seemed okay. Not too wordy, not too needy, not too boastful. The photos focused on his big white car. (Why do men post pictures of their cars, Harleys, and dogs? I don’t want to date a dog, a Harley or a car. And why post photos from the 80’s?) The phone call flowed pretty well, no self-conscious pauses or lengthy silences. So we decided to do what I call the “meet ‘n’ greet” at Damon’s during the first half of the Steelers game. He walked in – and thank god – looked just like his photo. (Believe me that is NOT always the case.) We ordered a beer and began to talk. After the fourth reference to his deceased mother (God rest her soul) and how much I reminded him of her (Warning! Warning! Warning!), I needed a second beer. He then offered that he had full custody of his children, asked if I was impressed. More chat, more references to his mother.

Then it happened.

He asked… and yes this is a direct quote: “So, do you have any diseases?”

Again, direct quote, I replied: “Oh. Just the usual ones.”

This was followed by a blank stare and an uncomfortable silence.

So, I continued: “You know high cholesterol, high blood pressure, the usual.”

He said something similar, but then gosh! It was half time and I had to leave.

Five weeks later. I am cleaning on a Sunday afternoon and for some reason I am replaying this conversation in my head when it hits me. HE DIDN’T MEAN THOSE DISEASES – he meant THOSE diseases. I was furious! And then I laughed and laughed and laughed. Honestly, I don’t think I could have come up with a more perfect answer if I tried.