Leap Day Diary

When I am leave for work, I am totally put together. Clothing freshly ironed, hair styled (well sort of), makeup in place. By the time I get to work 40 minutes later, I'm wrinkled, my hair has done its own thing, and I swear the makeup has blown off. Not to mention what charming effects those hot flashes can have on an outfit.



Today was an outstanding example of just how put together I can be. Pressed, dressed and ready to go, I open the garage door, and it's pouring rain.


And I'm walking almost a mile to the T (trolley for you non Pittsburghers) stop because my car is in the shop. (See blog post "What?!" January)






I am wearing my old, trusty, long, LL Bean water repellent raincoat. I open my umbrella and start out. Within 50 feet, my left arm is soaked. The wind is blowing rain up into the underside of the umbrella. Cars pass by and I try to avoid being splashed which only results in soaking my shoes in mud. My right arm is soaked, and my tote bag is dripping. I can see curls (!) forming in front of my eyes.


Now, I ask you what exactly is water repellent? It's a scam, that's what it is. I am here to tell you LL Bean seriously misled me on this coat. I needed paper towels when I got to work to dry my arms!


My legs are soaked and covered in goosebumps. I'm wearing pantyhose - sopping wet, mud spattered, cold pantyhose. So, with a few minutes to spare at the T stop, I go into the Rite Aid next door to buy dry pantyhose. (I don't know why but the three drug stores downtown only carry pantyhose that would be useful if I were in sales - and I don't mean retail.) I purchase L'Eggs Queensize. My rationale is that because they are rather ... ample... they should be easy to pull on.


I ride for 40 minutes; cold, wet, windblown. I plunk down my bag at my desk, and go straight to the ladies room. What-the- harry happened to my perfectly straight hair? I look like Orphan Annie! *sigh... I go into the tiny, teeny stall to change out of the soaking wet hose. Queensize? Only if the Queen was a 3 year old! This is, without a doubt, the smallest pair of hose I have E V E R owned. They don't even go all the up to my waist, and they are so tight around my legs that I believe I lost circulation in my ankles by lunchtime.


The one bright thing about today.... I got my car back.

D.I.Y.

I grew up in an era when most dads could fix anything. My father could paint and paper, cut the grass and trim the edges, install windows, fix the water heater, or change a flat tire. I have not-so-fond memories of being made to stand and watch him paint an entire room. He had us there to hand him his tools as he needed them. (Note: I cannot fathom this thinking as I was happy to send my own kids outside to play while I painted!)
At an early age, the idea was planted that anyone could fix anything - D.I.Y. Now, I simply refuse to accept the idea that I cannot fix something.

I am reminded of my Delaware landscaping phase. I just didn't see the sense in paying someone to trim 40 year old azaleas. It was a warm afternoon, the kids were playing outside, and the garage door was open. I swear the saw was calling my name. Before it was time to make dinner, pine trees were pruned, ivy was clipped, and my azaleas looked like giant green, branchy bowls. H#1 was not amused and my neighbors began to refer to me as "the happy landscaper".

Take my Pepto Bismal pink toilet, circa 1949.


Days, weeks, months, a year of a touchy toilet - I was determined to fix. I took its parts to the local hardware store. Phil, in plumbing, patiently explained things to me, showed me what to do. I would go home and make the attempt. It would work ... but eventually and inevitably, I would end up back at Rolliers Hardware looking for more parts. To Phil's chagrin, I never had the broken piece with me so he had to endure my pitiful attempts at explaining just what the part looked like. The potty situation was so bad that if you had to flush, you had to remove the toilet lid and pull on the chain yourself. I refused to let the toilet beat me. This went on for weeks, months even. H#2 even made a repair but it didn't last (ironically, neither did H#2)!
Last fall, I surrendered and had Ray, my favorite plumber, install a new one.

Recently, the oven challenged me. It was Christmas day (of course). The potatoes were baked and cooling. The rib roast went in. Funny thing, though, after about 45 minutes, I didn't smell anything and I didn't hear it sizzling. The oven refused to heat past 175 degrees.

The grill came to the rescue - but only for about a half hour when it ran out of gas. Thank goodness the 7-11 was not only open but carried propane gas.

Back to my oven. So the next day, I take a look and I decide the heating element needs to be replaced. Good friends direct me to a place that sells appliance parts and I drive out to pick one up. The screws come out easily but it appears the heating element is not only plugged in but wired. I look around, and grab the nearest thing - pruning shears. One snip and it was disconnected. Then we lost electricity. After an hour or so, I went out to run some errands. I got back after dark and noticed that lights were on up and down the street. Yes! We're back in business. Um, not exactly. My house was still dark.

Then a light went on in my head. I probably tripped a circuit breaker.

Needless to say, my idea didn't work and I couldn't figure out how to reconnect the heating element to the oven. I took the plug (lesson learned from the pink toilet) up to Rolliers and John in electrics is my teacher. I tell him the story and he shakes his head and says, "Pruning shears?!" We find the part, he shows me what to do, I make the purchase and go home.

I just simply couldn't get the stripper to work. So I grabbed - not the pruning shears - but a paring knife. You know, to trim the rubber away from the wires. Whew - what a spark! Not one to give up easily, I repeated my effort. That spark caused me to drop the knife... and slip downstairs to turn off the electricity.

Melvin the handy man came a few days later, and fixed the burnt out wires behind the oven. Oops.

Today, it was IKEA. I don't think like a Swede. I don't even look like one. The shelving unit Expedite almost got the better of me, but I prevailed with a little help from my neighbour, Alan. I ask you: Who invented the Allen wrench?! Further, who invented the Swedish Allen wrench? And, more importantly, why oh why isn't there a drill bit shaped like the IKEA Allen wrench? I would buy it. Seriously.

* Not my house, but it is my shelf.

Possibilities

I should be sad, but that would be selfish.

Instead, I am happy.  Happy that I knew Father John Thomas, and happier still that I could call him my friend.  His obituary does not tell the whole story  http://www.post-gazette.com/pg/12012/1202966-122.stm
But it's close.

How can you describe someone who is eternally positive?  Joyful?  Spirtual?  To know him was a blessing and an honor.  As my son just said, "He was the man."

I got a phone call late Sunday afternoon that he would not be with us much longer.  I did two things:  I immediately wrote a thank you letter then I drove to the hospice, and rang the doorbell.  It was after 7 pm and they rang me in.  I gave the letter to the nurses and trusted they would see he got it.   I heard yesterday from a friend that his daughter read it to him.  That simple act gave me so much joy.

Years ago, when I was struggling, something happened that seemed miraculous, almost too good to be true.  My then husband had had a sudden change of heart, and felt that God was telling him to stay with his family and me.  I was suspicious, disbelieving.  Father John had been counseling me through the difficulty of that time, so naturally I went to see him.  I told him the entire story:  The sign on the side of the road, the blinding sunlight, how my husband felt dizzy and came to the new conclusion that our family belonged together.  I looked at Father and asked him point blank, "Is it possible?"  Father John never hesitated in his answer, "Why isn't it possible?"  And then he did what he did best, he took my hand and we prayed.

I saw Father John on a cold morning in December.  He knew of my recent breakup and how it was impacting my life.  We sat in his office and talked. I told him that when the bottom fell out of my life in November and I got my bearings, it was my faith in God that made (and still makes) me believe everything will be okay.  It will work out.  I will be okay.  I said that in spite of all that had happened, miracles in the form of blessings were happening almost every day.  He smiled, took my hand, and we prayed.

After all, why isn't it possible?

It's something I ask myself all the time now... as long as you have God, why isn't it possible?

That's what Father John would have asked.  And I like knowing that.

What?!

"Did you just say that?!" How often has that thought crossed your mind? For me, I think it may be daily. I keep a document on my desk top where I have noted these amazing statements. It's time to share.

Me:     Hello, Comcast? It's 5 pm and you haven't arrived to fix our internet connection, and my 30+ co-workers are beginning to complain.
Comcast: Oh, we were there but we left because we couldn't find a place to park.
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Co-worker, looking at my ID badge: Susan is that you?
Me:    Yes.
Co-worker: When was that picture taken?
Me:    Last year.
Co-worker: I would not have recognized you - you have gained so much weight.


(Note: 4 pounds is NOT that much!)
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Date: I don't think I can go out with you again.
Me:   Oh?
Date: With that gray hair, you look too much like my great Aunt Sarah.


(Note: I have since begun to die my hair... but not because of this ... um... date.)
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Help desk person: Are you satisfied with the outcome of this call?
Me:   No.
Help desk person: What? Why not?
Me:   You didn't solve my problem.
Help desk person: So are you satisfied with the outcome of this call?
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A few years back I worked retail for a Christmas season at Williams-Sonoma:


Me:   May I help you find a gift?
Customer: Yea, what do you have for my aunt?
Me:   And may I ask what she likes or what is your price range?
Customer: Nothing - I hate her and don't want to spend a dime.
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At a gas station one Friday morning before work:


Me:     Hey, I think you're gonna hit my car.
            HEY! You hit my car!
Girl:    I don't know how that happened.
Me:     Really? You drove too close, that's how that happened.
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In an email to request office supplies, I asked for Lysol wipes.


Me: Please send us 6 canisters of Lysol wipes.
Co-worker: I can't order those unless I have a picture to click on.
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In a different email to request office supplies, I needed writing pads. I ordered 3 dozen each of 8x11, 5x8 and steno pads. I received 3 DOZEN of DOZEN PACKS! For a whopping total of 432 EACH!

Co-worker:   Well, you know, us older folks aren't good with higher math.
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After another email for supplies, I noticed our order was incomplete.


Me:        I wanted to let you know we still haven't received our full order.
Co-worker:      You can't expect me to keep track of that.
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My son is sitting in a History class when during a lecture about the French revolution, a classmate says to him:


Girl: Wait! Is he talking about Bonaparte or Dynamite?
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I think it's the little things like this that make life funny.   Because if you can't laugh....

http://youtu.be/RP4abiHdQpc?t=13s