Falling

You can fall off a chair. You can fall down the stairs. You can fall in love. And I did. Twice, actually, in the last few years.


The first time, it was fun. He was older, gregarious, loved to do things, go places, and had lots of friends. I liked all of it, and fell in love with him. However, one-sided love is not the ideal. Slowly, I realized that one-sided love is a lot like PBJ without the J - dry, sticky, and not so good. It's never good when your boyfriend behaves badly hoping you'll break up with him because he's too cowardly to do it himself. So, on a rain-soaked September night, I ended the relationship. It took a while to get over him/it, but I did and I moved on.


The second time, it was overwhelming. It began innocently enough with a friend request on facebook. We exchanged wall posts, then emails. First, every few days, and then every day. We talked on the phone for hours. Finally, two months later, we met or should I say met again.


You see, we dated in high school. We broke up. We got back together after high school, and got engaged. But we didn't marry and I hadn't heard from him in over 30 years.


The June day we spent together was magical and for weeks after I was on that "new love high". I sang songs, and I don't sing. I walked into a glass wall and got a concussion I was so starry eyed. I dressed for work one day and later that morning realized I forgot to put on a bra! I was so darn happy; it was rather nauseating. He was thoughtful, emotive, loving, gave compliments freely and appreciated everything. He understood my concerns for my children and embraced getting to know them. It seemed idyllic.


Within weeks, he moved to Pittsburgh, and within a few months we were engaged, then married.


Over the last 19 months, it changed from that new love high, to the lowest place you can imagine. He is none of the things I believed he was. This particular ending is, frankly, awful. It's like falling.... with no bottom in sight.


The thing about falling is that sooner or later you hit the bottom.


The other thing about falling is that eventually you get up. You stand tall, take a deep breath, and you go forward.


And if you are very lucky - like I am - you do it with the help of people who love you.