As I have done for many years, I went to the movies today with my friends, N&A. Formerly a family event, this year, it was just three of us as our collective six children and two children in laws are scattered - either working, living far from Pittsburgh, or with family and friends. This year's choice was "The Descendants", and I loved it.
In this film, George Clooney is a tour de force as a man who struggles with his life and his emotions. It occurred to me as I watched a particularly moving scene and reflected on my own life, just how much can the heart hold?
How much sadness? Happiness? Hatred?
Just how big is the human heart?
Physically, the answer is easy to find; just Google it!
Did you know that very day, your heart beats about 100,000 times, sending 2,000 gallons of blood surging through your body? Although it’s no bigger than your fist (about 11 ounces on average), your heart has the mighty job of keeping blood flowing through the 60,000 miles of blood vessels every day. It creates enough energy to drive a truck 20 miles. In a lifetime, that is equivalent to driving to the moon and back. The volume of blood pumped by the heart can vary over a ride range from five to 30 litres per minute. A kitchen faucet would need to be turned on all the way for at least 45 years to equal the amount of blood pumped by the heart in a lifetime. Small but mighty, indeed.
Highlights from http://facts.randomhistory.com/human-heart-facts.html
The other answer is a little trickier to find. How much can a heart hold? I can answer "how much hatred" easily because my own heart doesn't really hold any. That may not be the case for.... say... a terrorist.
Sadness? I would say that changes daily, weekly, monthly. When my father died in 1995, my heart held a lot of sadness. It would seep out at the most improbable times, to remind me that I missed him. That sadness cannot compare to the sadness of a marriage ending - not better or worse; not less or more; just not comparable. I can tell you, the heart can hold a lot of sadness. Probably enough to drive a truck 120 miles!
And what about happiness? Eleven ounces of muscle and tissue can hold a damn lot of happiness! How do I know that? I've felt it - many times over. When I was a 24 year old newlywed, I can remember being so happy that my heart hurt from all that joy. When I held each of my new babies, that happiness feeling multiplied many, many times over.
I have had a heart full of happiness many times in my life, and I know I'm not alone. The happiness from simple things like chocolate ice cream or a sparkling, blue sky on a spring day is uplifting. The happiness from watching your children on Christmas morning is a wondrous thing. Who hasn't been or felt happy at the news of an engagement, a wedding, a graduation, a great report card, a new baby? A newly painted room can inspire happiness! A job well done and praise for that job bring happiness too.
Did you ever see the movie "Love Actually"? In the beginning, we hear Hugh Grant say that if you look around you will see that love actually is all around.
And, so, on this New Year's Eve, I would say.... Look around. You will see that happiness is all around.
Wishing you all... a Happy New Year!
Saturday, December 31, 2011
Thursday, December 29, 2011
Falling
You can fall off a chair. You can fall down the stairs. You can fall in love. And I did. Twice, actually, in the last few years.
The first time, it was fun. He was older, gregarious, loved to do things, go places, and had lots of friends. I liked all of it, and fell in love with him. However, one-sided love is not the ideal. Slowly, I realized that one-sided love is a lot like PBJ without the J - dry, sticky, and not so good. It's never good when your boyfriend behaves badly hoping you'll break up with him because he's too cowardly to do it himself. So, on a rain-soaked September night, I ended the relationship. It took a while to get over him/it, but I did and I moved on.
The second time, it was overwhelming. It began innocently enough with a friend request on facebook. We exchanged wall posts, then emails. First, every few days, and then every day. We talked on the phone for hours. Finally, two months later, we met or should I say met again.
You see, we dated in high school. We broke up. We got back together after high school, and got engaged. But we didn't marry and I hadn't heard from him in over 30 years.
The June day we spent together was magical and for weeks after I was on that "new love high". I sang songs, and I don't sing. I walked into a glass wall and got a concussion I was so starry eyed. I dressed for work one day and later that morning realized I forgot to put on a bra! I was so darn happy; it was rather nauseating. He was thoughtful, emotive, loving, gave compliments freely and appreciated everything. He understood my concerns for my children and embraced getting to know them. It seemed idyllic.
Within weeks, he moved to Pittsburgh, and within a few months we were engaged, then married.
Over the last 19 months, it changed from that new love high, to the lowest place you can imagine. He is none of the things I believed he was. This particular ending is, frankly, awful. It's like falling.... with no bottom in sight.
The thing about falling is that sooner or later you hit the bottom.
The other thing about falling is that eventually you get up. You stand tall, take a deep breath, and you go forward.
And if you are very lucky - like I am - you do it with the help of people who love you.
The first time, it was fun. He was older, gregarious, loved to do things, go places, and had lots of friends. I liked all of it, and fell in love with him. However, one-sided love is not the ideal. Slowly, I realized that one-sided love is a lot like PBJ without the J - dry, sticky, and not so good. It's never good when your boyfriend behaves badly hoping you'll break up with him because he's too cowardly to do it himself. So, on a rain-soaked September night, I ended the relationship. It took a while to get over him/it, but I did and I moved on.
The second time, it was overwhelming. It began innocently enough with a friend request on facebook. We exchanged wall posts, then emails. First, every few days, and then every day. We talked on the phone for hours. Finally, two months later, we met or should I say met again.
You see, we dated in high school. We broke up. We got back together after high school, and got engaged. But we didn't marry and I hadn't heard from him in over 30 years.
The June day we spent together was magical and for weeks after I was on that "new love high". I sang songs, and I don't sing. I walked into a glass wall and got a concussion I was so starry eyed. I dressed for work one day and later that morning realized I forgot to put on a bra! I was so darn happy; it was rather nauseating. He was thoughtful, emotive, loving, gave compliments freely and appreciated everything. He understood my concerns for my children and embraced getting to know them. It seemed idyllic.
Within weeks, he moved to Pittsburgh, and within a few months we were engaged, then married.
Over the last 19 months, it changed from that new love high, to the lowest place you can imagine. He is none of the things I believed he was. This particular ending is, frankly, awful. It's like falling.... with no bottom in sight.
The thing about falling is that sooner or later you hit the bottom.
The other thing about falling is that eventually you get up. You stand tall, take a deep breath, and you go forward.
And if you are very lucky - like I am - you do it with the help of people who love you.
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
Passing time
19 months.
15 days.
A few hours.
That's how long it's been since I blogged. Much has changed, more has happened.
Stay tuned.
15 days.
A few hours.
That's how long it's been since I blogged. Much has changed, more has happened.
Stay tuned.
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